


Sharpness (fading fast)

by humaankameleonn (nainai96)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: ADHD, Anxiety, Depressing, Depression, Gen, Insecure Stiles, M/M, Mama Stilinski Feels, Nailah can't tag, Posting this because it's probably never going to be finished, Sad Stiles, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Stiles is not Erica's friend, Stream of Consciousness, really sad, sometimes, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 15:43:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nainai96/pseuds/humaankameleonn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is broken.</p><p>He’s irreparable.</p><p>Stiles Stilinski is scarred and blackened and shrivelled.  </p><p>He’s suffocated and blinded and crushed and numb as fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sharpness (fading fast)

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another Broken!Stiles from yours truly. I'd say that I'm sorry but that would be a lie.
> 
> Trigger warning on a big scale. 
> 
> Enjoy.

 

Stiles is broken.

 

He’s irreparable.

 

Stiles Stilinski is scarred and blackened and shrivelled from the non-stop _darknesspressurelightpain._   He’s suffocated and blinded and crushed and _numb as fuck_.

 

Stiles Stilinski isn’t pretty or handsome or admirable.  He’s all sharpness that’s fading fast.  He’s loud and hyper and dissonant and crass.  He doesn’t see beauty or light in any amount when he catches glimpses of his reflection.  He spies with honey glazed eyes: 1) far too much ( _fleshfatnoise_ ), 2) not enough ( _muscledisciplinehope_ ), and 3) just enough ( _witloyaltyhatred_ ).  It makes him feel nauseated and light headed with overwhelming understanding of how little he’s got going for himself and how much luck he must have to have gotten Scott.  Stiles wouldn’t be able to last in the drowning sea of _thoughtswordsanxietyhate_ that swallows him _heartbodysoul_ without him.  Without Scott, he would’ve died long ago, no question about it, heart held in the nitrogen cold hands of Death.

 

+

 

That was thirteen months ago.  Now, four suicide attempts, hundreds of flesh parting slashes, a few dozen burns and far too many werewolf-related near-death experiences later, Stiles has come to the conclusion that someone out there hates him with all of their existence.  There is no other reason why so much _shit_ would befall him while he’s dealing with as much as he already is.  The only thing that he’s glad for is the fact that he’s not dealing with this on his own this time.  It makes it less. Horrifying.

Makes it. 

Simpler.

               

He’s dealt with everything else by himself – the ADHD, his mother’s death, the grief that triggered the monster inside him (the monster that slaughtered his mother), the hatred, the loneliness, and the constant dullness that sat poking at his thoughts.  But now, he’s got Allison and Scott and Lydia and Jackson and.  Derek.  (Just Derek, actually.)  Scott and Allison don’t have time for him (too full of each other to let anyone else in) and, well, it’s Lydia and Jackson; they’ve got each other and it’s _Stiles_.  They don’t need him.  No one’s ever needed him.  Except Derek.  Derek needs him now.  To do research, but it’s still need.

 

+

 

Then there’s Isaac and Boyd and Erica and everything that his dad’s going through and it’s getting cold outside and he feels even colder on the inside.  He doesn’t sleep.  Mostly, because he _can’t_ with the anxiety and ADHD and migraines and fear that flushes him deep under, drowning him without care.  But it’s also because he can’t afford to have Lydia replace him in Derek’s life (sad that it’s the worst thing that could happen to him at this point, isn’t it?).  He looks forward to Derek’s night visits more than he should, really, choking himself with excitement when he gets that warning text and choking off moans of pain when he doesn’t.  Derek’s attitude when he arrives does nothing to deter Stiles’ happiness though, no matter how grumpy and short he is with him.  But then he starts sending Boyd instead because watching Isaac and Erica is a full time job and Erica is terrifying, even to Boyd. 

Stiles still hopes that one day Erica will stop being a total attention-seeking, terror-inducing, rapist of a _bitch_ because _maybe_ then Derek will start visiting him again.  Because, though Boyd may be polite, he’s distant and a little more than a bit empty kind of like a shadow of his old silent but sweet self.  Where Derek used to lounge and read while waiting for Stiles, Boyd’s eyes glaze over in a horrifying imitation of the dead.  

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, please leave a kudos and/or a comment as it makes me really motivated to keep writing.
> 
> If you want me to continue this, comment and I'll see what I can do.
> 
> My tumblr is humaankameleonn.tumblr.com
> 
> My twitter is nainai96.
> 
> and maybe check out my other works?


End file.
